Realize Deeply That The Present Moment Is All You Ever Have.

Realize deeply that the present moment is all you ever have. 

-Eckhart Tolle

With this quote from Eckhart Tolle, we remind ourselves how valuable it is to remain grounded in the present moment and what we are currently experiencing.  It's so easy to get caught up worrying about what is ahead, to be fearful of the unknown, to wish we were elsewhere in time or place.  All of this fear, worry and discontent closes us off from being able to be present and engaged in what is currently being offered to us.

For those of us with eating disorders, not being grounded in the present puts us in a space of vulnerability.  In my experience, when I am ruminating or worrying about times or events or experiences that are ahead of me or unknown to me, I feel anxious and scared, which prompts me to turn to my eating disorder for a sense of control.  I can't control the future so my eating disorder offers me a misguided sense of control through the regulation of my food and exercise routines.  Seeing how this cycle plays out, and how my urges to engage in my eating disorder flare up when I'm in my head worrying about the future, I realize how important trying to stay in the present moment is.  When I am grounded in what is currently occurring, I'm able to create less anxiety for myself because I'm not trying to control the future or the unknown.  As a result, I'm able to be better engaged with the people, events and spaces that are around me.  In addition, focusing on the present helps keep me grounded in what recovery actions need to be taken right now, at this present moment.  For example, even if I don't know which restaurant we're meeting friends at tonight and if there will be food I'm comfortable with, this future event has no effect over the fact that, right now, I still need to eat my snack.  Restricting now so I feel less anxious about the later meal is not an effective coping method for my anxiety.  By connecting to the present, I'm better able to recognize what actions need to be taken to focus on recovery.

Not only does connecting to the present moment help us stay grounded in recovery, it also helps us not miss out on the richness and beauty of life in its infinite moments.  When we obsessively worry about the future, or lament about the past being gone, we miss out on all the good things that are currently present in our lives.  Sometimes stepping back and letting ourselves soak up the details of a moment gives us a chance to connect to what is truly important to us and erases all of the white noise that takes up so much space in our heads as a result of our fast-paced and busy world.  Let us all take at least a moment today to bring our attention to our present experience and embrace it for all it offers - to recognize that in every moment there is always the chance to experience the wonder and awe that we are alive.

Wishing everyone presence in your life as it is today,

Taylor

I Rest When My Body Tells Me To

I rest when my body tells me to.

I have to bust this affirmation out quite often as I attempt to re-frame and reinvent my relationship with exercise.  Recognizing the idea of resting being a good thing is not an easy thing to do in a culture that promotes and lauds physical activity to the extreme.  How many times do we see posters, signs and advertisements with slogans encouraging us to get to the gym, to push ourselves to the max, or to push past the pain?  These messages are everywhere in our culture, telling us we're never good enough and that getting to the gym and pushing our bodies to or beyond their limits in some way makes us better, or increases our value, or allows us to earn our next indulgence. 

For those of us with eating disorders, our culture's fixation on exercise and pushing our bodies to the max can make it very difficult to try and change our relationship with exercise.  I know that when I was very mired in my eating disorder, I knew my food habits were abnormal and unhealthy, but was always able to rationalize my obsession with exercise.  It wasn't hard to rationalize my obsession since our culture promotes the idea of more and more exercise as something that somehow makes us "better," and as something to be applauded.  How could I be doing something bad if I was doing something I constantly saw or heard being praised?  Not until getting into recovery did I start to practice a new way of thinking about exercise: as something to be enjoyed, as something healthy in moderation, and as something to be done with the necessary nutrition to go with it.  I can see clearly now that my eating disorder took our culture's messages about pushing ourselves physically, and not listening to our bodies' limits, to the extreme.  It told me that I was somehow better and stronger when I could push myself physically without eating - it told me people would admire how strong and physically fit I was, when really it was making me weak and ruining my relationship with exercise. 

I still struggle daily with the ingrained belief that I have to exercise, especially since for so many years I believed that in order to eat I had to earn it with physical movement.  However, as I get further along in recovery and have learned to give my body some days of rest every week, I see how much better, healthier and more balanced my life feels.  Our bodies need rest and breaks from activity.  By resting them, we are able to feel better when we do get outside to move and do the physical activities we enjoy.  In addition, I'm learning to reconnect to my body and trust its wisdom.  It knows when it needs rest - I just need to have the courage to listen to it, choosing my body's wisdom over the messages my eating disorder and our culture throw at me, always telling me to push my body in order to be "better."

Even though we don't hear it often, listening to our bodies, being gentle with them, exercising them in kind ways, and resting them when they need it are beautiful things.  I wish for everyone to know and trust their bodies, and to rest them when they ask for it.

May we all take some time to listen to our bodies and their needs,

Taylor