Today I Choose Joy!

Today I choose joy!

This affirmation is so simple and basic, yet it is so powerful - especially on a day when we find ourselves fixating on the parts of our lives that aren't perfect, or struggling with negative thoughts about ourselves.  At times it is very easy to get mired in the details of our lives and allow certain small factors to get us down about life or ourselves.  For example, believing we aren't thin enough, pretty enough, successful enough, or that we work too much or not enough .  I know that when I have a day when I'm really struggling with these repetitive thoughts and fixating on these details, I find myself feeling closed off and numbed from what is going on around me.  I might shut people out and isolate, or allow myself to feel down or sorry for myself.  Some days, we just have to let ourselves feel a little down for awhile, allowing these transient emotions to have their space so that they can pass.  But other times, reminding ourselves that we can choose what we allow space in our heads for is important. 

This is where these words are so helpful - they allow us to intervene into our negative thoughts and choose something else for ourselves.  I know that for myself, if I'm focusing on how uncomfortable I feel in my body and how this discomfort makes me want to restrict and isolate, thus closing myself off,  I can instead remind myself that, while I may feel uncomfortable in my body, I can still choose to see, feel and experience the joy I can find in the life around me.  Rather than letting my negative thoughts determine the energy for my day, I can choose joy, looking to other things that are such gifts: my husband, my family, my friends, the sunshine, nature, whatever is important to me and brings me happiness.  By reminding myself to focus on these things, I give myself the chance to shake off the grip of my negative thinking, choosing to connect to the beauty of life instead of retreating from it.

Ultimately, it's hard to change how we feel, but we can change what we focus on and lend power to.  So, when we struggle, may we remember that we can always look for the things in our life that make us feel joyful and grateful.  When we do this, we allow ourselves to step away from negative, self-destructive thoughts and to instead move toward presence and positivity in our lives.

Wishing for everyone the chance to see and choose joy today!

Taylor

Today I Will Take Every Chance to Participate in Life, Not Control It

Today, I will take every chance to participate in life, not control it. 

Control - something that many of us inadvertently covet because it gives us a sense of safety and stability in our uncertain world.  A certain degree of control in our own lives is important as it gives us autonomy, self-esteem and the freedom to make choices for ourselves.  That said, some of us begin to rely so much on maintaining order and control in our lives that we begin to limit and close ourselves off from much that life has to offer.  Not only do we miss out on opportunities and connections when we are obsessed with being in control, but we also rob ourselves of the learning and growth that inexorably comes from being exposed to life situations and experiences. 

For many of us with eating disorders, we have come to rely on our eating disorders to give us the illusion of control in our daily lives.  I know that for myself, my eating disorder behaviors historically get much worse when I'm in a period of life that feels uncertain or different.  Because things around me are changing, or new, or scary, or different, my urges to engage in eating disorder behaviors are much higher, because I find comfort in at least being able to control my food and exercise.  What I realize now, however, is that turning to my eating disorder during these times, and any other time, is really robbing me of the chance to be present in my life and to grow and learn from all of the experiences and emotions life is offering me.  Sure, not everything life offers is going to be comfortable or pleasant, but learning to deal with these times head on, discovering I am strong enough to handle them without avoiding or numbing with my eating disorder is both important and essential.  Once we are able to let go of our illusion of control, we are given the opportunity to perceive, accept and engage in what life is currently offering us.

This affirmation is so powerful because it reminds us that always trying to control everything often prevents us from being in the present moment, from connecting with people, from feeling things, from participating in our own lives.  These words challenge us to let go once in awhile so we can be fully available to receive all that life has to offer and teach us.  Today, may we all step away from our efforts to control, and instead learn to be open, present and engaged in our lives!

Wishing you all a chance to let go of control,

Taylor

I Will Be Gentle With Myself When I Get Stuck

I will be gentle with myself when I get stuck.

Setbacks, mistakes, stagnation - these are all normal parts of life that are to be expected.  We are all human and cannot expect ourselves to always do and achieve everything perfectly.  As a result, learning to be kind and patient with ourselves when we feel stuck is an essential part of not only recovery, but life in general.

For those of us recovering  from an eating disorder, these words are so important because quite often our eating disorders crop up when we don't do something - especially recovery - perfectly.  I know that for myself, when I make a misstep or a backward step in my recovery, I begin to beat myself up and my eating disorder weasels in, telling me that I'm obviously a failure so I might as well continue engaging in maladaptive behaviors and throw in the towel on recovery.

In one of my therapy groups, the counselor gave us the visual of recovery not as a straightforward trajectory of progress, but rather as a maze with many intricate ins and outs - we find our ways inward to heal and then move back out to bring all we have learned about ourselves to our outer world.  I love this visualization because it helps me when I feel stuck.  Recovery, like life, can be messy and isn't an easy straightforward path.  Sometimes we get stuck, sometimes we make mistakes, sometimes we feel disappointed, but none of these have to be reasons to punish ourselves.

And this is why this affirmation is so powerful - it reminds us that rather than beat ourselves up and punish ourselves whenever we have a misstep, we need to be kind, loving and forgiving of ourselves because this is how we allow ourselves to heal and grow.  When we give ourselves a break and accept our humanness, and the inevitability that we will make mistakes, we no longer allow space for our eating disorders or inner critics to jump in, put us down and push us into self-destructive behaviors.

Ultimately, we are all beautiful in our imperfect humanness and none of our journeys will be without ups and downs, ins and outs. So let us embrace the fact that there will always be times when we feel we are failing, and let us learn to be our own friends during these times, allowing ourselves to gently heal and move through the discomfort.

Wishing for everyone, that you may be gentle and kind to yourself when you feel stuck or lost,

Taylor

I Choose To Shower My Body With Positive Messages

I choose to shower my body with positive messages.

We live in a culture that normalizes women criticizing and bashing our physical bodies.  It is not an unusual occurrence to hear women vocalizing to one another what they dislike or want to change about their bodies as it has sadly become a culturally acceptable way for women to relate to each other.  This habit we have fallen into as a society is unhealthy and limiting for all of us.  

For those of us trying to recover from an eating disorder, hearing this sort of negative body talk is a powerful trigger as this language affirms the eating disorders we are trying to let go of.  When we hear others engaging in negative body talk, our eating disorders take the opportunity to tell us it's normal to dislike our bodies and that holding onto our eating disorder is the only way to get as close as we can to our culture's ideal of thinness.  Hearing others engaging in negative body talk makes us feel that we live in a culture that doesn't support eating disorder recovery since it praises and lauds the body types we are trying to attain through unhealthy and disordered eating and exercise.  But this is the perfect opportunity to not only challenge our own eating disorders, but to actively take part in changing the pattern of negative body talk among women.

And this is why this affirmation is so powerful.  These words challenge us to make the conscious choice to say nice things to our bodies.  Our bodies are amazing, beautiful and wise, and when we take the time to love and praise them for all that they are and all that they do, we reclaim our power from our eating disorders and from our society's oppressive ideals of female beauty.  In addition, what a relief to say kind things to ourselves, thereby aligning our bodies, souls and minds instead of instigating wars within ourselves between our minds and bodies.  Being kind to our bodies only enhances the chance for us to accept and love our whole selves, thus allowing us to move closer and closer to each of our full potentials.

I believe this to be a powerful message to all women, not just those of us with eating disorders.  We are all unique, beautiful beings - let us waste no more time tearing ourselves down, but instead let us build ourselves up and start making it normal for women to say nice things about themselves.  Let us all do this so we may connect to ourselves and each other in powerful and loving ways!

Sending all of you love and kindness for your beautiful selves!

Taylor

I Will Trust My Soul - It Knows The Way.

I will trust my soul - it knows the way.

For many of us, trusting ourselves and our paths is a tough business.  I know that for myself, I am constantly judging or questioning my decisions, my desires, my needs, my actions, always analyzing whether I am executing my life as perfectly as possible.  This constant inner dialogue and self-judgment leaves me feeling very disconnected from my authentic self and makes it hard to recognize what I, Taylor, trust to be true and in line with my goals, feelings and beliefs.

As someone who has lived in this state of seemingly constant self-doubt and who has often felt like I was floundering when I needed to make decisions or choices, I understand how easy it is to reach for tools to guide ourselves when we are disconnected from our authentic selves.  I personally have always reached for my eating disorder -  it gave me very strict and tangible rules to adhere to and this either helped me to make choices for myself (unfortunately, choices made based on the eating disorder's rules, not based on what my authentic self would necessarily choose), or distracted me from the emotional pain of my inner critic constantly offering commentary on my thoughts and actions.

For those of us with eating disorders, we have often lost sight of our true, authentic selves, which is a place where we would know our honest thoughts, opinions, feelings and desires; when we live our life connected to this self, we make our choices from a place of inner power and connectedness with ourselves.  Knowing and connecting to ourselves is how we are able to navigate our lives in ways that make us feel good about ourselves, that utilize our potentials and make us feel like whole beings.  It is a difficult, but essential part of recovery to begin reclaiming our authentic selves and start learning to love and trust these inner selves, rather than turning to our eating disorders to help us navigate through life.

I love this affirmation, because it very simply reminds us to try and tap into our souls when we feel lost, sad, hurt, angry, scared, etc.  Instead of running to our eating disorders, we must step back and simply trust.  These words are especially soothing on a day when I find myself grappling for control or answers to questions I don't yet have the answers to.  Rather than reach for my eating disorder on these days, the work lies in trying to connect to and trust myself, to believe that my path is my own to figure out and that I have the strength and the ability to figure it out on my own, without leaning on my eating disorder.

Ultimately, each of us has our own unique journey to take and each of us, when we tap into and trust our authentic selves, find the answers and the resources within that we need to navigate our lives.  I believe all of us can find each of our ways - we just need to muster the courage to let go and trust that truthful inner voice we each have. 

Hoping we may all learn to trust ourselves and step into our lives!

Taylor