Being Yourself Is The Prettiest Thing A Person Can Be.

Being yourself is the prettiest thing a person can be.

I love this statement because it reminds me that what fundamentally makes a person beautiful is their soul and how they live their lives in the world around them.  It's so easy to fall into the trap of measuring our self-esteem and self-worth by our physical appearance.  For those of us with eating disorders, using our physical looks as our primary basis for self-worth becomes such an ingrained mindset that we forget there are other parts of ourselves that we are neglecting to take the time to notice and place value on.  Learning to challenge this line of thinking is hard, but important.  

Recently, I have been trying to challenge this thinking when I find myself in groups.  Once my eating disorder came on the scene, I always wanted to be seen as the thin blonde in groups and felt pride when I was the thinnest woman in the room.  Now, with recovery and reclaiming my whole self on the line, I realize how limiting this way of valuing myself is.  When I'm fixated on this thinking, I'm unable to be present with the people around me and am less likely to connect authentically with people or remember our conversations.  I recently went to a work function for my husband, Alex, and I set the intent of trying to channel my inner self, Taylor, who is kind, loving, funny and smart.  These are the parts of my organic self that I wanted to bring to the party and that I wanted people to like about me rather than my physical appearance.  The effect of setting this intention was amazing - I was able to connect with and meet new people in a much more genuine, authentic way and I felt so much more grounded and at peace.  I felt like I was the person I knew I could be when I wasn't stymieing myself with the lens of my eating disorder.

I think that is the other wonderful reminder this statement has for us: that to be ourselves is naturally beautiful.  For we who struggle with eating disorders, it is often the case that we lose sight of ourselves and don't necessarily know who we are without our eating disorders.  Without the goals and rules of our eating disorders, who are we?  What do we want?  What do we like/dislike? What do we like about ourselves?  These questions may seem daunting at first, but I prefer to see them as exciting opportunities that begin to move us toward freedom when we start to let ourselves ask them.  And the more we get to know our authentic selves without our eating disorders, the more we can learn to love ourselves and recognize that inhabiting and manifesting ourselves is what ultimately allows our natural beauty of self to shine!

May you all see how beautiful your unique selves are,

Taylor

I Am Worthy Of Love

I am worthy of love.

I find this affirmation to be so powerful because it reminds us that we all deserve to be loved, and that we don't have to earn the right to be loved.  It is so easy to fall into the trap of believing we are unworthy or undeserving of love, especially when struggling with an eating disorder.  Eating disorders feed off of our fear of being unlovable - they tell us that if we don't act and look perfect, then we are undeserving of other people's love as well as our own.  They tell us that they have the solution for how to achieve perfection and that once we've followed their rules and restrictions, we will finally have earned the chance to be loved and feel lovable.  But the truth of the matter is that this is another eating disorder lie - it tells us that it will make us feel worthy of love once we achieve x, y and z, but then it makes us feel shame for having an eating disorder in the first place.  Then, not only do we never achieve the perfection our eating disorders promised us, but we feel ashamed of ourselves for once again believing the eating disorder.  All of this adds up to self-hatred and a belief that we are so broken that we don't deserve to be loved by others.

And this is why this simple statement is so powerful - it directly challenges the eating disorder's message that we have to earn the right to be loved, and that to earn this we must first achieve perfection.  These words aver that just by being human and by being ourselves we are innately worthy of love.  Retraining ourselves to believe that we are worthwhile and worthy of love is a powerful step on our road of recovery because we wrestle some power away from our eating disorders:  rather than believing we need our eating disorder in order to earn the love of others, we realize that we are worthwhile people just by being ourselves and that we can start stepping away from the isolation of our eating disorders and into the company and companionship of friends, family and loved ones who love us for our authentic, natural selves.

Ultimately, reminding ourselves of our innate worth reminds us that we deserve to be loved by ourselves and others and that we don't need our eating disorders sending us running in circles to earn love anymore.  Let us step away from the self-destructive cycle and trust that we are all unique, valuable and worthy people who deserve to love and be loved in return!

May you all accept and experience love today,

Taylor

One Step At A Time. That Is How I Will Get Where I'm Going.

One step at at time. That is how I will get where I'm going.

With this statement, we take pause to remind ourselves that no journey, and certainly not recovery, happens all at once.  The road of recovery is made up of hundreds of small steps across many days.  Often, it is easy to get frustrated with oneself and how long the journey seems.  We often become our own worst critics, coming down hard on ourselves for not being further along than we are.  This statement reminds us that the journey is long and that it's okay to accept however our personal journey plays out.  In addition, it's important to accept wherever we currently are on that journey.

This affirmation is also powerful because one of an eating disorder's most powerful tools is all or nothing thinking.  We are either thin or fat.  Smart or stupid.  Perfect or a failure.  They use this thinking to deter us on our paths of recovery by telling us we need to recover all at once or not at all.  And since all at once is terrifying and not very feasible, it keeps us stuck right were we are, mired in our eating disorders.  What these words offer us however, is the illuminating idea that all we have to do is take one step towards recovery at a time.  Even if it seems like the smallest of steps, every one is important because it keeps us on the path of recovery, and every single step strips our eating disorders of some of their power.  Also, focusing on one small step at a time makes it easier for us to continue on this journey, and prevents us from giving up when we think we have to do it all at once.

Ultimately, this reminds us to be gentle and patient with ourselves as we walk this difficult road.  Every step we take, no matter how small, is something to be celebrated.  And as long as we keep choosing to walk this path of recovery, one step at at time, we will ultimately get to where we want to be, finding both ourselves and our freedom!

May you all take one small step today for yourselves,

Taylor

I Am Stronger Than I Think.

I am stronger than I think.

This very short and simple statement is extremely powerful because it reminds us that we all have internal strength, even if we do often forget about in times of difficulty.  Sometimes we need to step back and acknowledge that we are indeed stronger than we tell ourselves and that we hold ourselves back by believing that we are weaker than we are.

For those of us with eating disorders, I believe tapping into our internal strength is imperative for recovery.  The voice of an eating disorder is vicious, mean and abusive, and standing up to it during recovery is often difficult and painful - it requires a lot of internal resolve and strength to continue the process of recovery even when the eating disorder is screaming at you.  On days when I feel weak and just want to give in to my eating disorder to make it shut up, I really am so grateful for this affirmation because it reminds me that I give in to my eating disorder because of a belief that I'm too weak to withstand the abusive chatter of the eating disorder in my head.  But this statement succinctly reminds me that I am stronger that I think in that moment when I decide whether to engage in my eating disorder or stand up to it and choose recovery.  These words also remind me that recovering from my eating disorder is the hardest thing I've ever done, but that I grow ever stronger the more often I tap into my internal strength of the Goddess within.  Growing stronger and walking away from my eating disorder is something to be very proud of.

Ultimately, this affirmation reminds us that, no matter what the eating disorder tells us or what we tell ourselves, we are strong and we are strong enough to do the work it takes for recovery.  So let us not doubt ourselves.  Let us remember we are all strong, resilient beings, each with our own unique spark, and when we tap into our strength, we are able to stand up to our eating disorders in ways we previously thought were impossible.  Let us go forth and be strong!

May you all see for yourselves your own beautiful, individual strength,

Taylor

I Can Let Go of Shame

I can let go of shame.

This is such a simple yet amazingly powerful statement because shame is such a potent emotion that can cause much pain, self-hatred and self abuse if we allow ourselves to hold onto it.  I think that shame is one of the most difficult emotions to experience and that is why, not surprisingly, many people turn to maladaptive coping mechanisms to manage feelings of shame.   This affirmation helps us by saying that rather than run away from feelings of shame or inadequacy by turning to self abusive coping mechanisms, we should try to look at our shame straight on, allow ourselves to feel it, and then allow ourselves to let it go.  By doing so we are able to move beyond it without becoming mired in it and maladaptive behaviors. 

For those of us with eating disorders, shame is an especially tricky emotion because the eating disorder uses it to keep us caught up in its cycle.  For example, if we feel we aren't meeting its goals of perfection, it makes us feel ashamed for "failing" or falling short.  It tells us that only engaging in eating disorder behaviors will relieve our sense of shame and self-loathing.  But then, after we engage in these behaviors, we feel shame for having an eating disorder and for turning to such behaviors.  Looking at this cycle, we see that a key to recovery from an eating disorder is choosing to let go of our shame, whether it's about what we look like, who we are, or the fact that we even have an eating disorder.  My counselor once said to me, and I will never forget this: "Shame is for an eating disorder what oxygen is for a fire.  An eating disorder cannot survive where there is no shame."  She said this to me when we were planning out how, at age 27 and in a full on relapse, I was going to be completely honest with my parents about my struggles and ask them to be a part of my support team, fully and intentionally inviting them to be a part of my recovery process.  I come back to these wise words so often because I can see how effectively eating disorders use shame to prevent people from seeking help and to encourage them to instead continue punishing themselves with the unending cycle of the eating disorder.  

So, as we walk this path of recovery, it's essential that we face our shame head on and don't allow our eating disorders to use shame against us.  We have  the freedom to choose to let go of shame for ourselves so that we can move forward, grow and bring each of our individual lights into the world.  Let us move forward freely and without shame!

Sending you gentleness with yourselves,

Taylor

I Am Free to See Life in a New Way!

I am free to see life in a new way!

I really love this affirmation because it is such a simple statement, but says so much.  When I am mired in my eating disorder, everything is colored by it.  It becomes the lens through which I view the world and live my life.  Not surprisingly, going through life with this lens often becomes tiring and frustrating because it is so narrow and limiting.  Seeing life through the lens of my eating disorder feels like looking at a beautiful painting full of vibrant colors, but being unable to perceive the colors; rather, you just see shades of gray and you feel disheartened because you know the colors are there but you cannot see them.  My eating disorder strips me of so many beautiful things about life: joy, spontaneity, being present, trying new things.  And when I'm stuck in my eating disorder, seeing myself miss out on so many things I want in life, I feel sad, disheartened and lonely.

But that is why I love this affirmation! It lifts us up and reminds us that, wait, just because this has been our lens for years now, it doesn't need to remain that way.   Rather, we can choose to start seeing life differently without the narrow, limited, lifeless view of our eating disorders.  I also love how this statement touches on our freedom of choice.  Often when I am in my eating disorder, I feel trapped and stagnant.  But these words remind us that recovery is about regaining our own power and releasing ourselves from our eating disorders.  By doing this we discover a new sense of freedom.  And by choosing to work recovery, we allow ourselves to start figuring out how we want to start looking at life without the gray lens of an eating disorder.  Life is beautiful and full of color and as we walk the path of recovery we start to allow ourselves the freedom to see, experience and participate in it, rather than just watch.  So today, let's take off our eating disorder lenses and allow ourselves the opportunity to start seeing and living life without the shackles of an eating disorder!

Hoping we can all start choosing how we want to look at life,

Taylor

Today, I Will Accept My Body Just As It Is, Without Judgment.

Today, I will accept my body just as it is, without judgment.

With this statement, we remind ourselves to focus on acceptance.  In recovery, learning to accept ourselves and our experiences helps us to move away from suffering and toward inner peace and self-acceptance. I find this affirmation so grounding after years of refusing to accept anything about my physical body, which ultimately led to the pain and suffering of self-hatred perpetuated by the self-destructive patterns and cycles of my eating disorder.  

On my journey, I have learned that pain in life is inevitable, but that it is a transitory state if we accept it and allow ourselves to experience it and move through it.  It's when we refuse to accept our pain and attempt to control, avoid or soothe it that we cause ourselves to suffer long term.  The greatest cause of suffering for myself has been the judgment and self-hatred I have felt for my body when it doesn't meet my standards of perfection.  Rather than accepting my body as it is or accepting the negative emotions that come up when I am judging it, I try to control them by engaging in ED behaviors.  While the behaviors soothe my pain in the present, they actually keep me in a cycle of suffering because it keeps me hating my body and myself when I don't feel "perfect," which is of course an impossible state to obtain.

I believe this affirmation to be a truly healing reminder that learning to accept our bodies as they are on any given day without judgment is a huge step for recovery.  Because when we learn to accept our bodies and stop trying to constantly control them, we consciously remove ourselves from our cycle of suffering.  Acceptance without judgment is our route to freedom and self love!  May we strive to open our minds and hearts to our bodies as they are, learning to work with them and not against them so that we may realize the wholeness and oneness of our beings! 

Sending acceptance your way!

Taylor

I Trust My Body. I Trust Myself.

I Trust My Body.  I Trust Myself.

This is a powerful statement that reminds us that we can be one with our physical bodies and that when we allow ourselves to connect and listen to our bodies' cues and needs, we can discover their natural intuition and wisdom.  For those of us with eating disorders, we have become so practiced at ignoring our physical bodies' needs in an effort to control them that we often feel completely disconnected from them and unable to understand them.  An important part of recovery is learning to reconnect and listen to our bodies.  Only by learning to trust our body's inner wisdom can we also gain the opportunity to experience awe for our natural bodies and all they can do, to understand what it feels like to be one and at peace with them.

This statement also reminds us to take the time to learn to trust ourselves and to believe that we are strong and powerful beings who no longer need to rely on our eating disorders to tell us how to live our lives, what to do and what not to do, what to be and what not to be.   For so long, we have relied upon and trusted our eating disorders to tell us how to live, what to do, and what to be.  By taking the time to say that we trust ourselves, as in our authentic selves, we remember that we are capable of determining all of these things for ourselves and we no longer need to rely on our eating disorders to answer these questions.

By choosing to trust ourselves and our bodies instead of our eating disorders, we move so much closer to self-acceptance, self-esteem and freedom!

May we all learn to trust outside our eating disorders,

Taylor

Walking Away From Something That is Bad for Me is Not Quitting!

Walking away from something that is bad for me is not quitting!

Sometimes the thought of letting go of our eating disorder is terrifying because we have known it and kept company with it for so long - in a way, our eating disorders can feel like friends that we want to hate, but cannot seem to let go of.  With this statement, we take time to step back from our eating disorder and remind ourselves that it is ultimately bad for us.  Our eating disorder may give us a sense of safety, but we know that this is an illusion it feeds us and that our eating disorder is actually a maladaptive way to cope with all of the fears and uncertainties of life.  This affirmation reminds us that not only are our EDs bad for us, but we are powerful enough to make the choice to walk away from them.  Also of importance is how this quotes challenges the idea that to give up our eating disorder is to quit - after all it's not easy to maintain an ED and it will use this against us to accuse us of being weak for walking away from it.  But we aren't quitters, we are survivors, powerful individuals who are learning to know ourselves without the burden of an eating disorder.  Rather than quitting, we are choosing to create a new beginning for ourselves!

Let us make the choice to walk away!

Taylor