For those of us recovering from an eating disorder, learning to question and challenge the ideal of perfection is essential. For years, my eating disorder has told me that I need to be perfect, that I need to do everything perfectly, and that others need to think I'm perfect, or else I'm a failure and completely devoid of worth. Chasing after this ideal has kept me in an endless cycle of rigidity and self-hatred.
Living with the constant desire and expectation of perfection has brought out the worst in me. When I'm inhabiting that space in my head, I'm likely to lash out at my partner with unkind words if he doesn't do things according to plan or if our experiences aren't occurring "perfectly." When in this frame of mind, I have also robbed myself of multiple opportunities to live in the present, to adapt, to accept and experience the joy of life's unexpectedness. Ultimately, the ideal of perfection limits me enormously, and the ED loves to keep me chasing after this illusory ideal because it tells me that it can show me exactly how to attain perfection, if I just do everything it says. This is, of course, a big eating disorder lie.
I love this statement that imperfection is both natural and beautiful because it reminds us that, above all else, we are all human and to be human is by definition to be imperfect. And isn't that in its own way so beautiful? This affirmation directly stares the ideal of perfection in the face and challenges us to begin to see imperfection as something inspiring as opposed to something shameful. When we open ourselves to the idea that we don't have to be or do everything in our lives so perfectly, a new world emerges. We are no longer crippled by self-loathing and doubt when things don't go exactly as expected or when we don't look like the people we see on TV. The idea of imperfection being normal and the idea that it is actually beautiful is like a breath of fresh air! It reminds us that perfection is boring, unattainable and limiting. When we open our hearts to the idea that things can be imperfect, we free ourselves from the shackles of our EDs because we no longer want or need their input on how to be perfect. So let's take the time today to embrace imperfection in all of its beautiful and glorious forms and be proud to go through life as our own unique and imperfectly beautiful selves!
Wishing you lots of imperfection!!!
Taylor
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ReplyDeleteWhat do you think of the concept of nature being perfect in all its infinite ways? I thought you and Bronte were perfect as you were, in all respects. With eating disorders, the ideal of perfectionism is a driving force that causes the eating disorder. The disappointing part of this, is that you were perfect before you started the ed journey. And if I want to hold to the idea that everyone is perfect in all respects, then that means that you are still perfect. I guess the problem comes with the definition of perfection. If we all could only see ourselves as perfect as we are, and not how others seem to define it for us, we would have much more power over ed. Of course, that is not saying anything new.
ReplyDeleteI think this is an interesting point you bring up. I view nature a bit differently - I view it as beautiful because of its imperfection as opposed to its perfection. It is the freedom and uniqueness of every single living, growing thing in nature that makes it so glorious. I cannot describe a "perfect" tree because no two trees have ever looked the same - they are all wonderfully, beautifully different. It makes me think of the quote: "A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms." It is this randomness that makes nature so beautiful. And what's so odd is that we are able to see this uniqueness in nature as beautiful but are for some reason unable to do the same thing in our society where to be "perfect" means to fit a cookie-cutter ideal and to not stray from what we've deemed "perfect" or "beautiful". And this is where I think your point about our definition of perfection being problematic is spot on: we have created ideals of what everyone should be, how they should act, how they should look and when we fall short or don't conform to these ideals we feel like failures. If we didn't have such limiting definitions of perfection I think that perfection and imperfection would start to look a lot more synonymous, as they do in nature. Ultimately, I think our ideas about nature and what we can learn from it are actually almost the same, despite using opposing words to describe it - I am just so used to "perfect" meaning conforming to a norm or an ideal that I see nature as imperfect because it conforms to nothing.
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