My Size Does Not Determine Who I Am.

My size does not determine who I am.

In a culture that is so obsessed with weight and appearance, it is very easy to become fixated on our physical appearances.  For those of us with eating disorders, that little voice in our heads takes this focus on the body to the extreme, causing us to base our concept of self-worth and self-valuation on this one part of ourselves.  As our eating disorders grow stronger, and the longer they are around, the more we lose sight of our whole, authentic selves.  And as we lose sight of these various parts of ourselves, the size of our body increases in importance in our mind because we begin to believe that if we're no longer thin, then who are we?  Fear of losing this one part of ourselves keeps us rooted in the cycle of our eating disorder: our eating disorder tells us we're only worthwhile if we're thin, and the more we engage in our eating disorder behaviors, the more rigidly we fear letting go of our eating disorders and our fixation on thinness, because we have effectively lost sight of other parts of ourselves to be proud of. 

This is where this affirmation is so helpful.  It reminds us that in recovery we begin to rediscover pieces of ourselves that we lost along the way, and we begin to rediscover and reconnect to our whole, authentic selves.  As we do this, we begin to let go of our belief that only our bodies and their size determine our worth and who we are.  We can use these words in moments of struggle, when our eating disorders try to lure us back to self-destructive behaviors by telling us we're nothing if our bodies don't look a certain way.  When we remember these words, we reaffirm what recovery teaches us: that we are so much more than our physical bodies, and that we all deserve to know and love our whole selves.  By choosing recovery, we allow ourselves to relinquish the idea that our bodies determine our worth.

So, may we all refuse to limit ourselves with the belief that our physical bodies define us.  May we instead choose to walk the road of recovery, discovering and reclaiming our true, authentic selves, and learning to love and respect ourselves for all that we are.

Wishing everyone the chance to rediscover our whole selves,

Taylor