I Can Let Go of Shame

I can let go of shame.

This is such a simple yet amazingly powerful statement because shame is such a potent emotion that can cause much pain, self-hatred and self abuse if we allow ourselves to hold onto it.  I think that shame is one of the most difficult emotions to experience and that is why, not surprisingly, many people turn to maladaptive coping mechanisms to manage feelings of shame.   This affirmation helps us by saying that rather than run away from feelings of shame or inadequacy by turning to self abusive coping mechanisms, we should try to look at our shame straight on, allow ourselves to feel it, and then allow ourselves to let it go.  By doing so we are able to move beyond it without becoming mired in it and maladaptive behaviors. 

For those of us with eating disorders, shame is an especially tricky emotion because the eating disorder uses it to keep us caught up in its cycle.  For example, if we feel we aren't meeting its goals of perfection, it makes us feel ashamed for "failing" or falling short.  It tells us that only engaging in eating disorder behaviors will relieve our sense of shame and self-loathing.  But then, after we engage in these behaviors, we feel shame for having an eating disorder and for turning to such behaviors.  Looking at this cycle, we see that a key to recovery from an eating disorder is choosing to let go of our shame, whether it's about what we look like, who we are, or the fact that we even have an eating disorder.  My counselor once said to me, and I will never forget this: "Shame is for an eating disorder what oxygen is for a fire.  An eating disorder cannot survive where there is no shame."  She said this to me when we were planning out how, at age 27 and in a full on relapse, I was going to be completely honest with my parents about my struggles and ask them to be a part of my support team, fully and intentionally inviting them to be a part of my recovery process.  I come back to these wise words so often because I can see how effectively eating disorders use shame to prevent people from seeking help and to encourage them to instead continue punishing themselves with the unending cycle of the eating disorder.  

So, as we walk this path of recovery, it's essential that we face our shame head on and don't allow our eating disorders to use shame against us.  We have  the freedom to choose to let go of shame for ourselves so that we can move forward, grow and bring each of our individual lights into the world.  Let us move forward freely and without shame!

Sending you gentleness with yourselves,

Taylor