Today I Will Take Every Chance to Participate in Life, Not Control It

Today, I will take every chance to participate in life, not control it. 

Control - something that many of us inadvertently covet because it gives us a sense of safety and stability in our uncertain world.  A certain degree of control in our own lives is important as it gives us autonomy, self-esteem and the freedom to make choices for ourselves.  That said, some of us begin to rely so much on maintaining order and control in our lives that we begin to limit and close ourselves off from much that life has to offer.  Not only do we miss out on opportunities and connections when we are obsessed with being in control, but we also rob ourselves of the learning and growth that inexorably comes from being exposed to life situations and experiences. 

For many of us with eating disorders, we have come to rely on our eating disorders to give us the illusion of control in our daily lives.  I know that for myself, my eating disorder behaviors historically get much worse when I'm in a period of life that feels uncertain or different.  Because things around me are changing, or new, or scary, or different, my urges to engage in eating disorder behaviors are much higher, because I find comfort in at least being able to control my food and exercise.  What I realize now, however, is that turning to my eating disorder during these times, and any other time, is really robbing me of the chance to be present in my life and to grow and learn from all of the experiences and emotions life is offering me.  Sure, not everything life offers is going to be comfortable or pleasant, but learning to deal with these times head on, discovering I am strong enough to handle them without avoiding or numbing with my eating disorder is both important and essential.  Once we are able to let go of our illusion of control, we are given the opportunity to perceive, accept and engage in what life is currently offering us.

This affirmation is so powerful because it reminds us that always trying to control everything often prevents us from being in the present moment, from connecting with people, from feeling things, from participating in our own lives.  These words challenge us to let go once in awhile so we can be fully available to receive all that life has to offer and teach us.  Today, may we all step away from our efforts to control, and instead learn to be open, present and engaged in our lives!

Wishing you all a chance to let go of control,

Taylor